10/27/2025

The Stage Fright of Success: Why You're Terrified of Being Seen Trying 

We’ve all heard it… that little voice in your head. No, not the one that reminds you to buy more coffee, the one that whispers, "Don't press send! What if it's terrible? What if they laugh?" I have been experiencing this phenomenon myself the last several months as I embark on new adventures.

I have spent so much time recently analyzing failure, but the truth is there is a deeper, sneakier fear: the fear of being seen trying. It’s encapsulated perfectly in the spiky, uncomfortable quote: "Most people don't fear failure, they fear being seen trying."

The Hidden Cost of the "Cool Kid" Persona
Think about it. Failure is an outcome. If you fail, you can always rationalize it: "The market wasn't ready," "We were under-resourced," or the classic, "It was a learning experience." (Said while furiously deleting all evidence of the project.) But being seen trying? That's vulnerability. That's showing your work, your passion, your effort, before you know the result. It’s admitting, "This is important to me, and I’m putting my whole self into it."
And if you’re seen giving 110% on a project that then flops, the fear isn't just failure; it's the humiliation of exposure. It's the thought that people will whisper, "Wow, they really tried, and they still couldn't do it." In a culture obsessed with effortless success, you’ve seen them… the overnight CEO or the "natural" talent, showing the messy middle parts of effort feels like professional kryptonite. We'd rather pretend we just woke up like this (successful, that is).

Psychological Safety: The Anti-Judgment Shield
This is where the magic of psychological safety swoops in to save the day (and your sanity).
A truly psychologically safe workplace is the place where you can confidently flail in public and know that the reaction won't be judgment, but rather curiosity and support. It's the environment that understands the fundamental truth that effort precedes excellence.

When psychological safety is thriving:
1. The Process is Valued: It’s not just about the finished product; it’s about the iteration, the experimentation, and the guts it took to even start. When a project hits a wall, the team asks, "What was the bold move we made?" not "Who signed off on this hot mess?"
2. Vulnerability is a Strength: Leaders don't just tolerate people trying new things; they actively celebrate the attempt. They share their own half-baked ideas and their "Version 1.0s" to show everyone that being visible in your effort is a sign of courage, not weakness.
3. The Spotlight is a Lamp, Not a Laser: You don't fear the spotlight because you know it's there to illuminate the path forward, not to burn a hole through your reputation.

If your team is constantly holding back their boldest ideas until they are 100% perfect, they aren't fearing failure; they are fearing the moment you'd see their first, wobbly, not-yet-perfect attempt. And that is a tragically expensive fear.

Be Brave Enough to Be Bad
To smash this barrier, leaders need to create a culture where being "bad" at something, temporarily, as you learn, is an expected, even celebrated, part of the journey. We need to normalize the beautiful, awkward stage of trying. I know, I’m there right now! As one of the world's most influential leadership thinkers, Brené Brown, states, connecting vulnerability with courage:

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome."

So go ahead and join me. Let us show up. Let us start that risky project. Present that weird, half-formed idea. Hit send on the V0.5 draft. Be seen putting in the honest-to-goodness effort. Because the only thing worse than trying and failing is regretting that you never let the world see you try at all. Now, go put some glorious, visible effort into your day! (I'm watching... admiringly, I promise.)

11/10/2025

The Bar is Too Dang High

Okay, let's talk about the constant hustle, the never-ending goal-setting, and that little cartoon you just sent your work bestie. You feel like you have made absolutely no progress in your life, career, you name it. But what if we changed the way we were thinking about all the work we are putting in.
"Maybe you don't realize how far you've come," the image by Growth By Visuals says, "Because you keep raising the bar."
Preach! Seriously, who among us hasn't hit a major milestone only to immediately think, "Great, what's next?" We're driven, we're high-achievers, and frankly, we're exhausted. On an individual level, that meme is spot-on. We are our own toughest critics and most ambitious goal-setters. We're running a never-ending marathon where the finish line is made of rubber.

The Psychological Safety Stunt
Now, let's zoom out to the workplace. While your personal "raise the bar" mentality might be driving your career, it can be a silent, sneaky killer of psychological safety for your team and even for yourself.

Psychological safety is the oxygen mask for a high-performing team. It makes space for people to speak up with ideas, beliefs, or opinions without the fear of punishment or humiliation. 

When your own inner bar-raiser is constantly on blast, it creates a subtle, toxic atmosphere where:
1. Mistakes are Catastrophic: If the bar is always up, any step back, hiccup, or glorious failure feels like an epic face-plant. Who's going to admit they messed up the Q3 budget when the standard is perpetual, flawless ascent? Nobody. They'll hide it until it becomes a five-alarm fire.
2. Innovation Hides: New ideas are inherently risky. They might fail. If your workplace culture, even subtly, worships the finished product and ignores the messy, iterative process, people will stick to the safe, known path. The bar for creativity becomes so high, they just skip the jump entirely.
3. Burnout is Your New Bestie: When you never celebrate the distance traveled because you're fixated on the next summit, you, and your team, will eventually just... stop. The juice isn't worth the squeeze if the reward for success is just a higher starting line for the next race.

Great Leaders are the good kind of Goalpost Movers
Here’s where the power of leadership comes in. Yes, keep your personal ambition humming, but if you're leading a team, you have a critical job: to be the institutional memory and the Chief Celebrator. A great leader knows the meme is true, and they actively work to counteract its negative effects. They don't just set the next, higher goal; they pause the music, grab the mic, and point backward, saying, "Hey, remember that impossible thing we did six months ago? We did that. You're all the proof."

They intentionally make the team stop, acknowledge the progress, and recognize the distance already covered. This isn't just a feel-good exercise; it’s a strategic move that fundamentally boosts psychological safety. By consistently highlighting past achievements, the leader is essentially saying:
• "We are capable of hard things." (Building confidence)
• "Your past effort is valued." (Building trust)
• "We learn and grow." (Normalizing the process, not just the result)

This encouragement is what fuels the continued, sustainable climb. You're not lowering standards; you're just providing a safety harness and a decent pair of hiking boots for the journey. As the brilliant organizational behavioral scientist Dr. Amy Edmondson puts it:
"Leadership is about creating the conditions for people to do their best work."

And I'm here to tell you, constantly raising the bar without acknowledging the climb is decidedly not creating the best conditions. So, go on, be a little audacious with your goals, but take a minute, look back, and give yourself and your team the high-five they've earned. 

11/17/2025

Your Evidence vs. Their Ego: Why Facts Just Bounced Off the Boss 

Let's face it: we've all been there. You're sitting in a meeting, armed with spreadsheets, charts, and a truly dazzling PowerPoint presentation. You've got the facts. You have the data. You are ready to drop the truth bomb and watch minds be changed! ...And then your brilliant, evidence-based argument hits the leader's ego like a marshmallow hitting a brick wall. All the evidence in the world will not change their mind.
The brilliant observances at @catching-bees nailed this infuriating dynamic with this quote:
"When dealing with leaders operating in an ego-based reality instead of a fact based one, correcting them with evidence won't change their mind; it will only threaten their identity."

The Ego-Based Reality TV Show
"Ego-based reality." Harsh, but true. It’s not just a clever phrase; it's a terrifying place to work.
In a fact-based reality, your proposal failed because of poor market timing. In an ego-based reality, your proposal failed because someone else is incompetent, the data is wrong, or the universe has a personal vendetta against the leader's genius. When a leader lives in a reality where their identity is fused with their always-being-right, every piece of contradictory evidence isn't a helpful data point, it's an existential threat. You're not just correcting a budget line; you're attacking their self-worth. It's a drama, and you're the pesky analyst who keeps trying to turn off the cameras.

The Psychological Safety Fallout
So, what does this high-stakes ego trip do to psychological safety? It destroys it.
The whole point of psychological safety is the belief that you can speak up without fear of punishment. But when the leader's response to facts is to feel personally wounded or attack the messenger, people learn three things very quickly:
1. Silence is Survival: It’s easier to just nod, smile, and let the train careen off the rails than to hand the driver the brake-failure report.
2. Spin is Strategy: Evidence becomes a liability. The smart play is not to bring the truth, but to craft a narrative that supports the leader's pre-existing worldview. Innovation dies a quiet death, suffocated by cheerful compliance.
3. Vulnerability is Vetoed: If the leader can't handle objective evidence, they certainly can't handle a team member admitting a mistake. The cycle of defensiveness trickles down, making every error a secret to be guarded.

This isn't leading; it's self-preservation at the expense of the team's ability to be honest, which is exactly why things often go wrong.

Leaders: Please Put Down the Mirror
To escape the ego-trap, leaders need to create a culture where they, themselves, are willing to be wrong. They need to view evidence that contradicts their idea not as a personal failure, but as a gift that saves the company time, money, and embarrassment. It takes humility, a trait that, unfortunately, many ego-driven people trade for a corner office. As leadership expert Simon Sinek perfectly articulates the core problem with this type of poor leadership:

"Bad leaders are the ones who always think that they have all the answers. The good leaders are the ones who are smart enough to surround themselves with people who know more than they do."

The best leaders don't need to be the smartest person in the room; they need to be the one brave enough to say, "My data was wrong. Thank you for showing me." That doesn't threaten their identity; it elevates it.

So, the next time you feel that facts are bouncing off the boss, maybe skip the data deep dive. Instead, ask a question that invites them to discover the conclusion with you. Let them save face. Then, maybe, just maybe, you can start building a reality based on sanity, not selfies.